Drew's first interview

Drew Douglas just celebrated his 4th month birthday and thought it was time to express his views on a few subjects that are near and dear to him - starting with his birth.

So Drew, just how was that shove out of the warm, slick birth canal?
To tell you the truth, I was ready - I'd been poking, elbowing and kicking Mom for months so I was looking forward to having room to move and breath but I didn't understand that I'd be squeezed into this narrow space that Dad visits from time to time and that I'd be pulled into a light, bright room with people touching me all over.

So what did you think when you first saw your Mom?
I was impressed - pretty girl - she had treated me well for many months - none of that acid reflux stuff and those boobs!

How'd you like your first surgery?
Man, that's unfair - out the shoot - buck naked on the table - whack your most sensitive part just to give it more air?  What a concept!

How's your Dad?
Dad's cool - he's got man-face like Brett Favre a lot these days as he's keeping it pretty trim up top - speaking of trim - he and my bud Charlie's dad are weight-watching and jogging so they can look good for their ladies.  Besides, Dad just got his third new car since I was born and I really like it!

And what's your dog's name?
Oh you mean Jack - what a neat dude that guy is - always licking my face and hovering around me - I can't wait to pull his tail and roll around with him - he's got a black bud named Rooney who's pretty special too - they're wild in the back yard!

So any plans for the near future?
Now that I've got the rollover down, I'll probably start crawling soon - there's some stuff I see that I want to put in my mouth and I'm tired of people handing me everything as I want to do it myself!  I am a Fankhauser you know.

Yeah, Meghan's been around alot - you like her?
Oh yeah, I can't wait to show her my kickball moves - or is it called soccer?  She says she has a few moves she can't wait to show me.  Dad and Mom say I'm going to be a footballin' Beaver!

You got grandparents?
Lots of them - Bob and Babs, Pat and my sidekick Brandon and the Stirlings - you know them don't you?  Susan likes to flap her lips on my tum and Doug just looks funny with those glasses.

Well Drew, nice to talk with you and we'll check back in a while.
Pls do and check out one of my poops now that I'm on formula - awesome!

Another Crown Vic bites the dust

The newspaper listed it as a highway fatality - one dead
Another roadkill to report to the Fed
The authorities said it was a single vehicle crash
There were no tire tracks - was the driver on hash?

It was dark when the old Ford left the road
Lots of leg room, trunk could take a full load
Those big Fords man - made for cops and old men's coffins
Smokers and drinkers - a generation of coughers.

His widow said he was a good driver in his day
But lately he was letting the big V-8 stray
Did any of his relatives care?
Only the heirs.

So Detroit helps with another assisted-suicide
Choose cyanide or take your last ride...
Make room for the hybrids and small cars
Don't even think of stopping at bars.

A loyal wife gone tired
The old boy never got fired
In his days on the road, he partied hearty
Lately it was all about fiber and being farty.

The investigators suspected a medical event
May have preceded the Ford's last dent
Off to the next destination old boy
Hope you find a new toy.