Drew Douglas just celebrated his 4th month birthday and thought it was time to express his views on a few subjects that are near and dear to him - starting with his birth.
So Drew, just how was that shove out of the warm, slick birth canal?
To tell you the truth, I was ready - I'd been poking, elbowing and kicking Mom for months so I was looking forward to having room to move and breath but I didn't understand that I'd be squeezed into this narrow space that Dad visits from time to time and that I'd be pulled into a light, bright room with people touching me all over.
So what did you think when you first saw your Mom?
I was impressed - pretty girl - she had treated me well for many months - none of that acid reflux stuff and those boobs!
How'd you like your first surgery?
Man, that's unfair - out the shoot - buck naked on the table - whack your most sensitive part just to give it more air? What a concept!
How's your Dad?
Dad's cool - he's got man-face like Brett Favre a lot these days as he's keeping it pretty trim up top - speaking of trim - he and my bud Charlie's dad are weight-watching and jogging so they can look good for their ladies. Besides, Dad just got his third new car since I was born and I really like it!
And what's your dog's name?
Oh you mean Jack - what a neat dude that guy is - always licking my face and hovering around me - I can't wait to pull his tail and roll around with him - he's got a black bud named Rooney who's pretty special too - they're wild in the back yard!
So any plans for the near future?
Now that I've got the rollover down, I'll probably start crawling soon - there's some stuff I see that I want to put in my mouth and I'm tired of people handing me everything as I want to do it myself! I am a Fankhauser you know.
Yeah, Meghan's been around alot - you like her?
Oh yeah, I can't wait to show her my kickball moves - or is it called soccer? She says she has a few moves she can't wait to show me. Dad and Mom say I'm going to be a footballin' Beaver!
You got grandparents?
Lots of them - Bob and Babs, Pat and my sidekick Brandon and the Stirlings - you know them don't you? Susan likes to flap her lips on my tum and Doug just looks funny with those glasses.
Well Drew, nice to talk with you and we'll check back in a while.
Pls do and check out one of my poops now that I'm on formula - awesome!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Another Crown Vic bites the dust
The newspaper listed it as a highway fatality - one dead
Another roadkill to report to the Fed
The authorities said it was a single vehicle crash
There were no tire tracks - was the driver on hash?
It was dark when the old Ford left the road
Lots of leg room, trunk could take a full load
Those big Fords man - made for cops and old men's coffins
Smokers and drinkers - a generation of coughers.
His widow said he was a good driver in his day
But lately he was letting the big V-8 stray
Did any of his relatives care?
Only the heirs.
So Detroit helps with another assisted-suicide
Choose cyanide or take your last ride...
Make room for the hybrids and small cars
Don't even think of stopping at bars.
A loyal wife gone tired
The old boy never got fired
In his days on the road, he partied hearty
Lately it was all about fiber and being farty.
The investigators suspected a medical event
May have preceded the Ford's last dent
Off to the next destination old boy
Hope you find a new toy.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Ode to Rosemary
Our Rosemary is retiring after about a hundred years at Aon and several predecessor firms so we honor her with this post.
Ode to Rosemary
There once was an office manager named Rosemary
No matter the issues, she remained merry
Now it's time to leave
Hard for her to believe
A glass of wine, a cake with a cherry.
Nearly forty years and four or so names
Lots of account executives playing games
From the boorish Butler
To a client named Cutler
Rosemary was the toughest of the dames.
Greg Dean said she was the gutsiest ever
Anyone who asked, got an "I'll endeavor
To help - if you're not a dork"
Her best day ever at work
Was Halloween in her black leather.
She started at CCC as a clerk
Many a Catholic boy did lurk
Came to work in any weather
Old Maurie admired her sweater
Never called the old guys a jerk.
Phil finally got Rosemary's head to nod
Then along came Angie and Todd
Now she's Grandma to AJ
Always been friends with DJ
Gently guided all ladies to cover that bod.
She was a great partner for Jim Heider
Built a reputation as a fighter
Resisted dumb corporate stuff
Not afraid to speak off the cuff
Or when needed, pull an all-nighter.
So Rosemary, we think you're the best
You've been able to meet every test
May you enjoy this life
Without so much strife
And know this praise is not in jest!
Ode to Rosemary
There once was an office manager named Rosemary
No matter the issues, she remained merry
Now it's time to leave
Hard for her to believe
A glass of wine, a cake with a cherry.
Nearly forty years and four or so names
Lots of account executives playing games
From the boorish Butler
To a client named Cutler
Rosemary was the toughest of the dames.
Greg Dean said she was the gutsiest ever
Anyone who asked, got an "I'll endeavor
To help - if you're not a dork"
Her best day ever at work
Was Halloween in her black leather.
She started at CCC as a clerk
Many a Catholic boy did lurk
Came to work in any weather
Old Maurie admired her sweater
Never called the old guys a jerk.
Phil finally got Rosemary's head to nod
Then along came Angie and Todd
Now she's Grandma to AJ
Always been friends with DJ
Gently guided all ladies to cover that bod.
She was a great partner for Jim Heider
Built a reputation as a fighter
Resisted dumb corporate stuff
Not afraid to speak off the cuff
Or when needed, pull an all-nighter.
So Rosemary, we think you're the best
You've been able to meet every test
May you enjoy this life
Without so much strife
And know this praise is not in jest!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Ode to Major Bill - A Space Oddity
With the usual apologies to David Bowie - the real space oddity, we honor Major Bill "da man" Goss.
Ground control to Major Goss
Bill, how can you be lost?
Thirty years in the Force
And third go-round of course
Bill now an Air Force shill
Finally, you know the drill
Move to Lake Tahoe
Find your own ho
Once his own brewmaster
Never a disaster
Of beer, he can't get his fill
Work though - is a thrill
A pilot of skill
Now ready to kill
This time you're armed
Third time's a charm
Bad guys storm the door
Bill shoots them to the floor
You've really made the grade
Medals - photos in the trade
A sailor with no boat
Got anything that'll float?
Cal is calling - teach here
Bill says, "More beer"
So Bill, take your protein pills
Headgear, countdown, lift-off, thrills
May God's love be with you
Mary will wait - may have a new do
Floating round in your tin can
Circuits are firing, in kicks fan
Can you hear me Major Bill?
Can you hear me Major Bill?
And lastly, a few quotes from Caddyshack
For those quiet nights alone on the base...
Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You're probably high already and don't know it.
You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?
I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell them you're Jewish, okay?
Oh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman. Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my...
You're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body.
Whoa, did somebody step on a duck?
I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think.
All the best Bill.
Ground control to Major Goss
Bill, how can you be lost?
Thirty years in the Force
And third go-round of course
Bill now an Air Force shill
Finally, you know the drill
Move to Lake Tahoe
Find your own ho
Once his own brewmaster
Never a disaster
Of beer, he can't get his fill
Work though - is a thrill
A pilot of skill
Now ready to kill
This time you're armed
Third time's a charm
Bad guys storm the door
Bill shoots them to the floor
You've really made the grade
Medals - photos in the trade
A sailor with no boat
Got anything that'll float?
Cal is calling - teach here
Bill says, "More beer"
So Bill, take your protein pills
Headgear, countdown, lift-off, thrills
May God's love be with you
Mary will wait - may have a new do
Floating round in your tin can
Circuits are firing, in kicks fan
Can you hear me Major Bill?
Can you hear me Major Bill?
And lastly, a few quotes from Caddyshack
For those quiet nights alone on the base...
Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You're probably high already and don't know it.
You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?
I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell them you're Jewish, okay?
Oh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman. Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my...
You're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body.
Whoa, did somebody step on a duck?
I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think.
All the best Bill.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Drew's First Limerick
They say I'm beautiful but I'm boy
Not just eye candy or a live toy
I'm handsome in blue
Dashing as that Drew
Brees or Drew Bledsoe - not a bit coy.
So I thought: just what is in a number
It's confusing - looking at my thumbers
I've one penis
And two of these
Around the room he and big Jack lumber.
Yes, one head, two eyes, couple ears, no tail
Stuff's coming from my nose - snart like a snail
One mouth to feed
Is two boobs greed?
Dad got tattooed and is lookin' real pale.
Mom is the best breast-feeder I know
But when I ask for beer she says no
I should ask Aunt Megan
She's not draggin' babies
She's looking for one real man named Joe.
It's getting dark so off to bed I go
Dreaming of that deer Bambi and her doe
It is no fib
I hate my crib
And oh Dad, go to work and make more dough!
Love,
Drew
Not just eye candy or a live toy
I'm handsome in blue
Dashing as that Drew
Brees or Drew Bledsoe - not a bit coy.
So I thought: just what is in a number
It's confusing - looking at my thumbers
I've one penis
And two of these
Around the room he and big Jack lumber.
Yes, one head, two eyes, couple ears, no tail
Stuff's coming from my nose - snart like a snail
One mouth to feed
Is two boobs greed?
Dad got tattooed and is lookin' real pale.
Mom is the best breast-feeder I know
But when I ask for beer she says no
I should ask Aunt Megan
She's not draggin' babies
She's looking for one real man named Joe.
It's getting dark so off to bed I go
Dreaming of that deer Bambi and her doe
It is no fib
I hate my crib
And oh Dad, go to work and make more dough!
Love,
Drew
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Drew Douglas
Is 8 weeks old this week - looking very good - Mom & Dad are taking great care of him - Mom's milk is obviously nourishing the boy and Pete thinks he's dreaming of OSU's first win of the 2009 football season coming this Saturday!
Our best to all!
Our best to all!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Freya Hoffmeister - aka The Black Widow
Freya Hoffmeister is an intrepid voyager as she is circumnavigating Australia in a kayak - solo - unsupported by a team.
I just sent her this limerick in the hope that she'll get a smile some quiet night.
Limerick for Freya -
There once was a paddler named Freya
She wanted to kayak Australia
We're talking circumnavigate
Amid whales, sharks and aggregate
Only brave, strong Freya could beatya!
She's tackling the elements solo
Versus headwinds, big surf, waves - go low
Oh courageous one, be the first
Never mind the fatigue and thirst
Freya Hoffmeister beats every foe!
Some writers call her the Black Widow
OK but she sure ain't no minnow!
Traversing nine thousand miles
Imagine finish line smiles
Only woman to go it solo.
Self-described as the Woman in Black
Wind in her hair, sun on her back
She's re-defined poop deck
Sanitary? What the heck?
Let's not give her grief or flak.
Her motto of "Faster is Better"
Will make Freya a record-setter
Facing conditions we would fear
She just shifts in another gear
A million euro this may net her!
I just sent her this limerick in the hope that she'll get a smile some quiet night.
Limerick for Freya -
There once was a paddler named Freya
She wanted to kayak Australia
We're talking circumnavigate
Amid whales, sharks and aggregate
Only brave, strong Freya could beatya!
She's tackling the elements solo
Versus headwinds, big surf, waves - go low
Oh courageous one, be the first
Never mind the fatigue and thirst
Freya Hoffmeister beats every foe!
Some writers call her the Black Widow
OK but she sure ain't no minnow!
Traversing nine thousand miles
Imagine finish line smiles
Only woman to go it solo.
Self-described as the Woman in Black
Wind in her hair, sun on her back
She's re-defined poop deck
Sanitary? What the heck?
Let's not give her grief or flak.
Her motto of "Faster is Better"
Will make Freya a record-setter
Facing conditions we would fear
She just shifts in another gear
A million euro this may net her!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Drew Douglas
Drew entered the scene today at 1:35PM weighing a healthy 7 lbs 2 oz and stretching 20 inches. He and his Mom and Dad are all fine and resting comfortably for another night or two at Meridian Hospital.
Thanks to all for your interest, prayers and well wishes.
The Grandparents
Thanks to all for your interest, prayers and well wishes.
The Grandparents
BabyDrew
A new poem based on Dylan's "Hurricane" - the song about Rubin Carter, a potential boxing champion of the world.
Anguished cries ring out in the birthing room
Enter Doctor Him from the OB group
He sees Sister Sara in a lot of pain
Cries out, "my God, give her the shot"
Here comes the story of the BabyDrew
The kid the hospital came to love
For being born in the daytime.
Put in the viewing area for all to see
The newest Stirling of all.
Three bodies lying there does Meghan see
And another boy named Brandon moving around mysteriously.
I didn't do it he says and falls down on his knees
I was only playing Playstation I hope you understand.
I saw Drew crying he says and he stops.
One of us better call up the nurse
And so Meghan calls the Doc
And they arrive on the scene with their red lights flashing
In the hot hospital room.
Meanwhile, far away in good old Lake Oswego
Susan Stirling and a couple friends are driving around.
Number one mother-in-law wants to visit Drew
Had no idea what kind of poop she was about to view
When a cop pulled her over to the side of the road
Just to ask why she was going so darn fast.
In Lake Ego that's just the way it goes
If you're white you might as well drive an older grey Benz
That's the way this story ends.
Brandon now has a new buddy and he has a gift for the babe
Him and Drew Douglas Stirling are just out palling around
He said I saw two docs running in, they looked like some lightweights
They bumped into Aunt Sara - just off the pain pills
And told her that boy's wiener needs a cuttin'
Pete says, Wait a minute guys, give him a chance
But they took him to the infirmary
And though he could not really feel
They circumcised him for his future health and hygiene.
Four in the morning and they wake Drewster up
Take him to the bathhouse and then bring him to Mom Sara.
The little babe looks up through his nice new blue eyes
Says, Whatcha got for me Momma? Am I your guy?
Yes, she says, Settle in right here dear one.
The boy the families all came to love
For being the first grandchild
Born to a family that will love and cherish him
- our champion of the world!
Love from all the Stirlings and Fankhausers
Anguished cries ring out in the birthing room
Enter Doctor Him from the OB group
He sees Sister Sara in a lot of pain
Cries out, "my God, give her the shot"
Here comes the story of the BabyDrew
The kid the hospital came to love
For being born in the daytime.
Put in the viewing area for all to see
The newest Stirling of all.
Three bodies lying there does Meghan see
And another boy named Brandon moving around mysteriously.
I didn't do it he says and falls down on his knees
I was only playing Playstation I hope you understand.
I saw Drew crying he says and he stops.
One of us better call up the nurse
And so Meghan calls the Doc
And they arrive on the scene with their red lights flashing
In the hot hospital room.
Meanwhile, far away in good old Lake Oswego
Susan Stirling and a couple friends are driving around.
Number one mother-in-law wants to visit Drew
Had no idea what kind of poop she was about to view
When a cop pulled her over to the side of the road
Just to ask why she was going so darn fast.
In Lake Ego that's just the way it goes
If you're white you might as well drive an older grey Benz
That's the way this story ends.
Brandon now has a new buddy and he has a gift for the babe
Him and Drew Douglas Stirling are just out palling around
He said I saw two docs running in, they looked like some lightweights
They bumped into Aunt Sara - just off the pain pills
And told her that boy's wiener needs a cuttin'
Pete says, Wait a minute guys, give him a chance
But they took him to the infirmary
And though he could not really feel
They circumcised him for his future health and hygiene.
Four in the morning and they wake Drewster up
Take him to the bathhouse and then bring him to Mom Sara.
The little babe looks up through his nice new blue eyes
Says, Whatcha got for me Momma? Am I your guy?
Yes, she says, Settle in right here dear one.
The boy the families all came to love
For being the first grandchild
Born to a family that will love and cherish him
- our champion of the world!
Love from all the Stirlings and Fankhausers
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
"I'll be your baby tonight" or at least by tomorrow night!
One more reference to Dylan as baby Drew has ordered Sara to the hospital tonight!
Close your eyes, pace the floor,
You don't have to worry any more.
I'll be your baby tonight.
Start the car, drive me there
You labor Mom, Pete will care.
I'll be your baby tonight.
Well, that tummy's going to drop away,
I'm gonna make a scene.
That big full moon is looking over me.
And we're all going to meet
What a treat for Pete!
Relax now Sara, you're done.
And a great job everyone!
I'll be your baby tonight.
Love from Drew
Close your eyes, pace the floor,
You don't have to worry any more.
I'll be your baby tonight.
Start the car, drive me there
You labor Mom, Pete will care.
I'll be your baby tonight.
Well, that tummy's going to drop away,
I'm gonna make a scene.
That big full moon is looking over me.
And we're all going to meet
What a treat for Pete!
Relax now Sara, you're done.
And a great job everyone!
I'll be your baby tonight.
Love from Drew
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Cruisin' and schmoozin' with MarySusan
A tribute to the ladies in green.
Yo, Reruns and Lakewood are losin'
Cause Mary and Susan ain't snoozin'
They gave their big hearts
All to the Lake Arts
Now they're just out cruisin' and schmoozin'
Trademark color is yukky green
Many of their sales deals are keen
Old Red rides waggin' shotgun
Major Bill's got a pop gun
But they'll leave your place extra clean!
So it's all about estate sales
Read the details in your e-mails
Sister Cassie has three dachshunds?
Clever Charlie does the auctions
And past owners know they'll not fail.
Bring on the cagey cheap dealers
Jewelry and furs for feelers
We don't take no crap
All sales are final, sap
They arrest the dumbest stealers.
Follow the balloons and green signs
To the best in show, really nines
Who's in charge here boss
It's Stirling and Goss
And they've got all the right sales lines...
Yo, Reruns and Lakewood are losin'
Cause Mary and Susan ain't snoozin'
They gave their big hearts
All to the Lake Arts
Now they're just out cruisin' and schmoozin'
Trademark color is yukky green
Many of their sales deals are keen
Old Red rides waggin' shotgun
Major Bill's got a pop gun
But they'll leave your place extra clean!
So it's all about estate sales
Read the details in your e-mails
Sister Cassie has three dachshunds?
Clever Charlie does the auctions
And past owners know they'll not fail.
Bring on the cagey cheap dealers
Jewelry and furs for feelers
We don't take no crap
All sales are final, sap
They arrest the dumbest stealers.
Follow the balloons and green signs
To the best in show, really nines
Who's in charge here boss
It's Stirling and Goss
And they've got all the right sales lines...
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Another stirling limerick...why?
the pre-birth celebration continues - we want Drew to know his family is slightly off-kilter so he can smile and laugh at us all.
it starts with big doug, not much of a yakker
thinks he's pretty cool as old man kayaker
susan says take care of rooney
he's out back acting goony
son pete calls dad and asks how's your golf, hacker?
the matriarch is aptly named susan
she tells us there's no reason for losin'
started marysusan to be boss
with lakewood friend co-boss mary goss
and you can bet they're not out floozin'
lakeoswegoboy pete turned thirty-one
sara warns drew may be one and done
not so fast says big dog jack
i want more buddies out back
after all life is about having fun
almost six years ago was the wedding
takes time to make a home with nice bedding
meghan adds a sister's love
handles all with nursing glove
sara's tummy is hospital-heading
number one son to be named drew
can't wait to see him play in goo
mum's new mini-van is named tina
drew will soon say see my weena
just the first of the new stirling crew!
it starts with big doug, not much of a yakker
thinks he's pretty cool as old man kayaker
susan says take care of rooney
he's out back acting goony
son pete calls dad and asks how's your golf, hacker?
the matriarch is aptly named susan
she tells us there's no reason for losin'
started marysusan to be boss
with lakewood friend co-boss mary goss
and you can bet they're not out floozin'
lakeoswegoboy pete turned thirty-one
sara warns drew may be one and done
not so fast says big dog jack
i want more buddies out back
after all life is about having fun
almost six years ago was the wedding
takes time to make a home with nice bedding
meghan adds a sister's love
handles all with nursing glove
sara's tummy is hospital-heading
number one son to be named drew
can't wait to see him play in goo
mum's new mini-van is named tina
drew will soon say see my weena
just the first of the new stirling crew!
Monday, June 15, 2009
It's Almost Over Baby Drew
You may recognize the reference to Dylan's classic "It's All Over Now Baby Blue" - written by Dylan and recorded in January 1965 - from the album "Bringing It All Back Home" which was released in March of the same year. This guy was a junior in high school and Pete was 13 years in the future...
Please sing or hum to the same tune.
You must birth soon, time to show, Sara will help you.
But whenever you wish to be, you better not be blue.
Yonder stands your father with his gun,
Praying like a monk in the sun.
Look out the doctors are comin' through
And it's almost time now Baby Drew.
Your bedroom is for nursing, lucky you big boy.
When you get home, check out the bright new toy.
The nurse in the next bedroom is Meghan,
She's pretty and cool, cause she's been keggin'.
Pete and Jack can't wait to play with you.
And it's almost over Baby Drew.
All your new friends like Charlie H hope you're cool.
No one wants a best friend who's a total tool.
The mother who just birthed you is glad
And she's ready to hand you off to Dad.
We're ready to hear you cry and coo.
It's almost over Baby Drew.
You're a Beaver and maybe a Red Sox someday.
Hate the Ducks, you'll be watching TV on gameday.
Your father Pete is standing in the door
In the old uniform that he once wore.
Come on out kid, we want to meet you!
It's almost time now Baby Drew.
Love,
Dad
Please sing or hum to the same tune.
You must birth soon, time to show, Sara will help you.
But whenever you wish to be, you better not be blue.
Yonder stands your father with his gun,
Praying like a monk in the sun.
Look out the doctors are comin' through
And it's almost time now Baby Drew.
Your bedroom is for nursing, lucky you big boy.
When you get home, check out the bright new toy.
The nurse in the next bedroom is Meghan,
She's pretty and cool, cause she's been keggin'.
Pete and Jack can't wait to play with you.
And it's almost over Baby Drew.
All your new friends like Charlie H hope you're cool.
No one wants a best friend who's a total tool.
The mother who just birthed you is glad
And she's ready to hand you off to Dad.
We're ready to hear you cry and coo.
It's almost over Baby Drew.
You're a Beaver and maybe a Red Sox someday.
Hate the Ducks, you'll be watching TV on gameday.
Your father Pete is standing in the door
In the old uniform that he once wore.
Come on out kid, we want to meet you!
It's almost time now Baby Drew.
Love,
Dad
Saturday, May 2, 2009
A Boy Named Drew
Y'all recall Johnny Cash's hit "A Boy Named Sue" and this author was planning to write a ditty following his song lyrics but alas it was too long for this old guy so I decided upon a limerick - or a facsimile of one...
This is story of Sara and Pete
And exactly how did they meet?
Headline Cafe was work
Serving Corvallis dorks
Hungry and tired on their feet.
Alas Pete hatched a little plan
To show Sara he was a fan
Pete said: To the woods
(Hoping to get the goods)
Sara thought he went to see her tan.
Sororities were not for Sara
Pete partied like John O'Hara
The Lodge became home
A bed cover of foam
Pete kept a poster of Farrah.
OSU bestowed a real degree
Smooth talking was his pedigree
Sara became teacher
Neither a preacher
No fear of loving filigree.
Off to new home in Mountain Park
Watching sunsets late in the dark
Pete tending local bar
Sara chasing kids afar
Life and love at first a lark.
It was time to start a new tack
So they both thought, what do we lack?
A house of our own
A pet with a bone
And bounding on the scene came Jack!
Then Hansens started to have Charlie
And away went thoughts of a Harley
Now time to calculate
Review and evaluate
No more acting like Dumb Ass Farley.
Off to Jeff's wedding in Maui
So much fun, a total wowie
Sara stopped the pill
And Pete knew the drill
Now Sara gets kicked with owies.
A brand new baby boy named Drew
Johnny Cash named his one son Sue
While birth may be rough
We know he'll be tough
And loved and hugged by all it's true!
Love,
Dad
This is story of Sara and Pete
And exactly how did they meet?
Headline Cafe was work
Serving Corvallis dorks
Hungry and tired on their feet.
Alas Pete hatched a little plan
To show Sara he was a fan
Pete said: To the woods
(Hoping to get the goods)
Sara thought he went to see her tan.
Sororities were not for Sara
Pete partied like John O'Hara
The Lodge became home
A bed cover of foam
Pete kept a poster of Farrah.
OSU bestowed a real degree
Smooth talking was his pedigree
Sara became teacher
Neither a preacher
No fear of loving filigree.
Off to new home in Mountain Park
Watching sunsets late in the dark
Pete tending local bar
Sara chasing kids afar
Life and love at first a lark.
It was time to start a new tack
So they both thought, what do we lack?
A house of our own
A pet with a bone
And bounding on the scene came Jack!
Then Hansens started to have Charlie
And away went thoughts of a Harley
Now time to calculate
Review and evaluate
No more acting like Dumb Ass Farley.
Off to Jeff's wedding in Maui
So much fun, a total wowie
Sara stopped the pill
And Pete knew the drill
Now Sara gets kicked with owies.
A brand new baby boy named Drew
Johnny Cash named his one son Sue
While birth may be rough
We know he'll be tough
And loved and hugged by all it's true!
Love,
Dad
Monday, March 16, 2009
Fifty Ways to Name your Baby!
Following up on "It's a Boy Mrs Walker It's a Boy" and with apologies to Paul Simon, please read/sing this poem to the melody of "Fifty Ways to Leave your Lover" from his Graceland CD.
The question is all about your name
He said to me
The debate is constant if you
Listen to family
We'd like to help you with your choices
To be free
There must be fifty names
To give your baby.
He said it's really not your option
To decide
Furthermore, we trust our ideas
Will be for you to override
But we'll repeat ourselves
Until all our say has died
There must be fifty names to give your baby
Fifty names to give your baby.
You might start with Boo, Drew
What about Max, Jack
You don't want to be Stew, Lew
Just call yourself Will
Pick up the beat, Pete
You don't have to have no teat
Just be a good boy, Bill
And call yourself Will.
You said we have no say
And we should take a seat
We wish there was some way we could weigh
You know we'll try again Pete
But any name we choose we lose
So would you please repeat
Again the fifty names.
You said thanks but trust us
Because we'll get it right
So we believe you and Sara
Will help us all see the light
A baby named Drew
Will be a Red Sox fan from his first night
There must be fifty names
To give your baby
Fifty names to give your baby.
Love,
Dad
The question is all about your name
He said to me
The debate is constant if you
Listen to family
We'd like to help you with your choices
To be free
There must be fifty names
To give your baby.
He said it's really not your option
To decide
Furthermore, we trust our ideas
Will be for you to override
But we'll repeat ourselves
Until all our say has died
There must be fifty names to give your baby
Fifty names to give your baby.
You might start with Boo, Drew
What about Max, Jack
You don't want to be Stew, Lew
Just call yourself Will
Pick up the beat, Pete
You don't have to have no teat
Just be a good boy, Bill
And call yourself Will.
You said we have no say
And we should take a seat
We wish there was some way we could weigh
You know we'll try again Pete
But any name we choose we lose
So would you please repeat
Again the fifty names.
You said thanks but trust us
Because we'll get it right
So we believe you and Sara
Will help us all see the light
A baby named Drew
Will be a Red Sox fan from his first night
There must be fifty names
To give your baby
Fifty names to give your baby.
Love,
Dad
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
It's a boy Mrs Walker it's a boy!
With thanks to The Who for the line and the melody, we're so proud to announce the "Followers" are having a baby boy in early July. Sara was fabulous today as she noted all the details in the ultrasound images and Pete was emotional to see their baby moving so actively for the first time live on camera _ so to speak. As the technician said, "It's unambiguous - that's male genitalia!"
All is right with the world so we'll wish all our friends and followers a good night!
All is right with the world so we'll wish all our friends and followers a good night!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Where have you gone Joe DiMaggio?
Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you...
With apologies to Simon and Garfunkle I invoke their wonderful lyrics to Mrs Robinson (to be played by the seductive Kate Winslet in a remake of The Graduate in 2019) to examine former Sen Tom Daschle, President Obama's nominee for Secty of Health and Human Services.
Look, as all the pundits say, did you hit .325 over your career and therefore deserve hero status and free lunches at Paolo's in San Jose for life or did you serve in the US Senate, the most exclusive club in the free world, and then become a lobbyist and make $5M since leaving the Senate and now you want to oversee all those entities that paid you to speak and consult these last few years while you forgot to declare certain income like a car and driver "provided by a friend" - as well as questionable charitable deductions?
Mr President, you said things would be different in Washington under your administration but you looked alot like #43 today when asked if you were standing by your nominee. You gave a thumbs up and said "Absolutely" in response to an inquiry about your continued support of the tax-evading Senator.
So what's different? Skin color? Ethnicity? Political connections? Pay back for supporters?
Please Mr President, withdraw your nomination and demonstrate your campaign commitment to cleaning up our Capitol.
"Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon.
Going to the candidates debate.
Laugh about it, shout about it
When you've got to choose
Every way you look at this you lose."
With apologies to Simon and Garfunkle I invoke their wonderful lyrics to Mrs Robinson (to be played by the seductive Kate Winslet in a remake of The Graduate in 2019) to examine former Sen Tom Daschle, President Obama's nominee for Secty of Health and Human Services.
Look, as all the pundits say, did you hit .325 over your career and therefore deserve hero status and free lunches at Paolo's in San Jose for life or did you serve in the US Senate, the most exclusive club in the free world, and then become a lobbyist and make $5M since leaving the Senate and now you want to oversee all those entities that paid you to speak and consult these last few years while you forgot to declare certain income like a car and driver "provided by a friend" - as well as questionable charitable deductions?
Mr President, you said things would be different in Washington under your administration but you looked alot like #43 today when asked if you were standing by your nominee. You gave a thumbs up and said "Absolutely" in response to an inquiry about your continued support of the tax-evading Senator.
So what's different? Skin color? Ethnicity? Political connections? Pay back for supporters?
Please Mr President, withdraw your nomination and demonstrate your campaign commitment to cleaning up our Capitol.
"Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon.
Going to the candidates debate.
Laugh about it, shout about it
When you've got to choose
Every way you look at this you lose."
Monday, January 19, 2009
Porn
Gotcha, didn't I? Now you wonder, where's this baby going? The answer lies in the variety of pornography and how the term applies to the serious, the mundane and finally, the humorous.
On the terminally unfunny side let me quote the fantastic writer and author Diane Ackerman from her non-fiction work entitled The Zookeeper's Wife wherein the protagonist, Antonina Zabinski, tried to maintain her sense of order and civility in a war-torn Warsaw in 1939:
The savagery didn't serve hunger or necessity, it wasn't a political gambit, the doomed animals weren't being culled because they'd become too abundant in the wild. Not only was the SS ignoring their value as notable creatures with unique personalities, the men didn't even credit animals with basic fear or pain. It was a kind of pornography, in which the brief frisson of killing outweighed the animals' lives. "How many humans will die like this in the coming months?" Antonina asked herself.
On to current events - the ever-thoughtful Jon Meacham, managing editor of Newsweek, recently stated: To rehash the case against Cheney at this late hour in the Bush administration would be the rough equivalent of pornography - briefly engaging, perhaps, but utterly predictable and finally repetitive.
On the the lighter side, we have a senior editor of Atlantic magazine writing an article in the October 2008 edition asking "Is pornography adultery?" He cites, get this, Christie Brinkley's husband's addiction to internet pornography! Come on guy - you're married to Christie frickin' Brinkley for goodness sake!
He also references my favorite hypocritical pol, Elliott Spitzer, the ex-governor of New York - I remember the fawning cover story in Fortune not so long ago wherein they praised him for correcting so much of the "corruption" in many businesses and industries and projected him as a future presidential candidate. No thank you Mr Spitzer, your character comes up short.
Finally, if you search "pornography" in Google, among the first responses is "Librarians in Pornography" - a bibliography of racy books featuring librarians - there are 49 of them - now that's funny!!
On the terminally unfunny side let me quote the fantastic writer and author Diane Ackerman from her non-fiction work entitled The Zookeeper's Wife wherein the protagonist, Antonina Zabinski, tried to maintain her sense of order and civility in a war-torn Warsaw in 1939:
The savagery didn't serve hunger or necessity, it wasn't a political gambit, the doomed animals weren't being culled because they'd become too abundant in the wild. Not only was the SS ignoring their value as notable creatures with unique personalities, the men didn't even credit animals with basic fear or pain. It was a kind of pornography, in which the brief frisson of killing outweighed the animals' lives. "How many humans will die like this in the coming months?" Antonina asked herself.
On to current events - the ever-thoughtful Jon Meacham, managing editor of Newsweek, recently stated: To rehash the case against Cheney at this late hour in the Bush administration would be the rough equivalent of pornography - briefly engaging, perhaps, but utterly predictable and finally repetitive.
On the the lighter side, we have a senior editor of Atlantic magazine writing an article in the October 2008 edition asking "Is pornography adultery?" He cites, get this, Christie Brinkley's husband's addiction to internet pornography! Come on guy - you're married to Christie frickin' Brinkley for goodness sake!
He also references my favorite hypocritical pol, Elliott Spitzer, the ex-governor of New York - I remember the fawning cover story in Fortune not so long ago wherein they praised him for correcting so much of the "corruption" in many businesses and industries and projected him as a future presidential candidate. No thank you Mr Spitzer, your character comes up short.
Finally, if you search "pornography" in Google, among the first responses is "Librarians in Pornography" - a bibliography of racy books featuring librarians - there are 49 of them - now that's funny!!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
How about a Sam Adams?
The USA Today newspaper reports that an appeals court in Washington state confirmed that state law does not bar teachers from having consensual sex with 18 year old students as they are not minors. Holy shit. Do these judges/people think? Could there be an extraordinary environment created in a school setting between an adult educator/mentor/parental figure/leader and a student that offers an exceptional opportunity for an adult to prey on an unsuspecting, possibly innocent, needy, approval-seeking teenager?
There is a state code of conduct prohibiting sex between educators and students so one can be fired and assumedly the subject of a civil suit but there's no criminality.
Reportedly some Washington legislators are attempting to address the "loophole" in the law and will be presenting legislation to invoke a prison sentence for violators.
Has the mayor of Portland conducted himself within the parameters of the law? Perhaps, but is his conduct that of a leader and mentor of young men and women - 17 or 18 - there's a legal difference but the public deserves and expects more of its leaders.
There is a state code of conduct prohibiting sex between educators and students so one can be fired and assumedly the subject of a civil suit but there's no criminality.
Reportedly some Washington legislators are attempting to address the "loophole" in the law and will be presenting legislation to invoke a prison sentence for violators.
Has the mayor of Portland conducted himself within the parameters of the law? Perhaps, but is his conduct that of a leader and mentor of young men and women - 17 or 18 - there's a legal difference but the public deserves and expects more of its leaders.
On to some favorite quotes:
John Adams - In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
Charles McMoran Wilson (Doctor to Winston Churchill) - Courage is a moral quality; it is not a chance gift of nature like an aptitude for games. It is a cold choice between two alternatives, the fixed resolve not to quit; an act of renunciation which must be be made not once but many times by the power of the will.
Ya think there's any relationship between these messages?
There is never just one cockroach
As a CNBC addict I get more info than I need on their series, American Greed, which depicts conmen like Bernard Madoff who perpetrate Ponzi schemes to screw friends, family and the God-fearing public. The episode currently running is about a guy named Lou Pearlman who "founded" the Backstreet Boys and N'Sync and bilked investors out of $500M - he's serving 25 years with Bubba (not my term but one of the victims) somewhere in the Federal prison system but his friends and believers are left holding an empty bag.
Following this theme of multiple cockroaches, I'll share a search I did early on about Fake Oswego, which when searched, gets a response from Google of "did you mean Lake Oswego? and then I searched those responses and found the high energy blog of Cate Garrison who along with many other Portland area residents were scammed by a local fraud named Wesley Rhodes - her blog is Life After Rhodes and it's hugely informative and passionate about fellow victims and bringing another fatman, Mr Rhodes, to justice. Cate is a legitimate writer and her blogs offer humor and erudition.
I contacted Ms Garrison because I had a few questions about the case as I had been introduced to Rhodes when he was a struggling life insurance salesman and he wanted to network with the firm I worked at to further his business opportunities. Although we never consummated any deals of note, I did remember Rhodes smiling as he advised me that he was a registered investment advisor - I didn't know what the hell that was, had no money anyway but somehow his reference to this entitlement stuck in my brain.
It was probably nearly 20 years later as I sat in traffic on Barbur Blvd hoping to make the left turn light at Terwilliger before it turned red and those a-holes from up the Hill had jammed the intersection when I heard an advertisement on the local business radio channel for Rhodes Econometrics. I listened - good radio voice (Wes had a face for radio also) and seemingly provocative information on how to beat the market. I thought Wes must have made it big - surprise, surprise.
Little did I know Wes had made it big - on the backs of others. You see Wes must have been a wannabe - he wanted to have cool cars - he reportedly wrote a check one day to Ron Tonkin Gran Turismo for $550,000 to buy 2 Ferraris for himself and I'll assume wife #3 - he also owned about 30 other muscle cars - Wes must been into muscles cause when I met with him he told me he'd been an intercollegiate athlete @ PSU. As I read Ms Garrison's blog, Wes made off with about $24M from his friends and followers here in Stumptown - now he's going to serve 10 years less a little time for presumed good behavior in Sheridan - good luck Wes - hope you get the diet and exercise you'll need so you can make restitution when you are released - surely, that's now your #1 goal.
So is the moral to the story beware of greed - our own and others? or beware of false idols - trust but verify? - your call.
Following this theme of multiple cockroaches, I'll share a search I did early on about Fake Oswego, which when searched, gets a response from Google of "did you mean Lake Oswego? and then I searched those responses and found the high energy blog of Cate Garrison who along with many other Portland area residents were scammed by a local fraud named Wesley Rhodes - her blog is Life After Rhodes and it's hugely informative and passionate about fellow victims and bringing another fatman, Mr Rhodes, to justice. Cate is a legitimate writer and her blogs offer humor and erudition.
I contacted Ms Garrison because I had a few questions about the case as I had been introduced to Rhodes when he was a struggling life insurance salesman and he wanted to network with the firm I worked at to further his business opportunities. Although we never consummated any deals of note, I did remember Rhodes smiling as he advised me that he was a registered investment advisor - I didn't know what the hell that was, had no money anyway but somehow his reference to this entitlement stuck in my brain.
It was probably nearly 20 years later as I sat in traffic on Barbur Blvd hoping to make the left turn light at Terwilliger before it turned red and those a-holes from up the Hill had jammed the intersection when I heard an advertisement on the local business radio channel for Rhodes Econometrics. I listened - good radio voice (Wes had a face for radio also) and seemingly provocative information on how to beat the market. I thought Wes must have made it big - surprise, surprise.
Little did I know Wes had made it big - on the backs of others. You see Wes must have been a wannabe - he wanted to have cool cars - he reportedly wrote a check one day to Ron Tonkin Gran Turismo for $550,000 to buy 2 Ferraris for himself and I'll assume wife #3 - he also owned about 30 other muscle cars - Wes must been into muscles cause when I met with him he told me he'd been an intercollegiate athlete @ PSU. As I read Ms Garrison's blog, Wes made off with about $24M from his friends and followers here in Stumptown - now he's going to serve 10 years less a little time for presumed good behavior in Sheridan - good luck Wes - hope you get the diet and exercise you'll need so you can make restitution when you are released - surely, that's now your #1 goal.
So is the moral to the story beware of greed - our own and others? or beware of false idols - trust but verify? - your call.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Second effort
But really just getting started with this blogging stuff - hope the print is large enough for you senior readers. BTW, I read The Reader about nine years ago (had Oprah discovered it then?)and was fascinated by the first 15 pages - every teenage boy's dream - but was impressed with the story and how conflicted ordinary people can be - how easily we can be led from our behavioral norms into a world we never wanted to experience.
If I could do the technical stuff, and I may be able to someday, when you sign onto my blog you'd be met by a high resolution photo of a Navy F-18 with afterburners firing as the fighter jet roars off the carrier to the sounds of David Bowie's Space Oddity (which is currently being used by Ford Motor Company to launch a new model Lincoln) aka "ground control to Major Tom."
I love Oregon, Portland and Lake O and have always quoted the following bumper sticker to friends here - "Not a native, here by choice" - some of the guys I golf with actually grew up in L.O., some even lived on the Main Lake! More to follow on that subject.
When you retire, people project you'll either be bored and keep going to the office hoping you're still relevant or you'll find new things to learn and do and I'm in the latter camp - enjoyed work for the most part, value friends and associates there but made a commitment to stay away and let my successor be everything that he could be which is certainly superior in many ways as youth and smarts will be served.
That said, I commited to learning to flatwater river kayak in my first year of retirement and I'll relate my experiences more extensively soon and I re-joined Big Brothers which I had done in the early 80s in San Jose, CA with a young man named Robbie. My current little bro is a great kid and I'll share some of that soon also.
Not sure you'll find anything newsworthy here today but I seek feedback from readers as time goes on and I'll keep learning so I can improve the site and always strive for better communication.
If I could do the technical stuff, and I may be able to someday, when you sign onto my blog you'd be met by a high resolution photo of a Navy F-18 with afterburners firing as the fighter jet roars off the carrier to the sounds of David Bowie's Space Oddity (which is currently being used by Ford Motor Company to launch a new model Lincoln) aka "ground control to Major Tom."
I love Oregon, Portland and Lake O and have always quoted the following bumper sticker to friends here - "Not a native, here by choice" - some of the guys I golf with actually grew up in L.O., some even lived on the Main Lake! More to follow on that subject.
When you retire, people project you'll either be bored and keep going to the office hoping you're still relevant or you'll find new things to learn and do and I'm in the latter camp - enjoyed work for the most part, value friends and associates there but made a commitment to stay away and let my successor be everything that he could be which is certainly superior in many ways as youth and smarts will be served.
That said, I commited to learning to flatwater river kayak in my first year of retirement and I'll relate my experiences more extensively soon and I re-joined Big Brothers which I had done in the early 80s in San Jose, CA with a young man named Robbie. My current little bro is a great kid and I'll share some of that soon also.
Not sure you'll find anything newsworthy here today but I seek feedback from readers as time goes on and I'll keep learning so I can improve the site and always strive for better communication.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Maiden voyage for new blog
Fake Oswego is an area adjacent to Lake Oswego, Oregon which is city of Portland land but the residents' children may or may not attend L.O. schools and may or may not have an L.O. zip code - go figure - it's meant to bring a chuckle because some Lake Oswegans refer to our fine city as Lake Ego...
Let's hope there's "humor in them there hills"...more to follow.
Let's hope there's "humor in them there hills"...more to follow.
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