Mrs Malcolm Doober (Hilda) asked me to speak to you today in honor of her diseased, I mean deceased husband - sadly no one else was available so this is it for Malcolm.
BTW, there's no photo of Malcolm because he looks surprisingly like one of the check-out guys at Whole Foods and we didn't want any confusion about who was dead and who isn't.
Malcolm died last Sunday along with his name - he was a Lennon/McCartney fan so he'd appreciate the reference to Eleanor Rigby and all you lonely people. Well, you did better than Eleanor - somebody did come today - your yesterdays will be remembered - there are no tomorrows for you but do you care?
Malcolm died of stinkeye or pinkeye or pie-eyed - I don't know which - not a dry eye today old friend.
Malcolm was a man of strong beliefs - he thought we were friends. Malcolm was wrong about a lot of things.
I was thinking about you today buddy as I was kayaking the wild and wooley Willamette river - the ever-treacherous, death-defying, narrows near Waverley Country Club - you said you were a member but never invited me? Maybe you were just a tennis member - doubles with Buffy @ Bushwood - or maybe Lacy Underall if Chevy Chase was done with her?
You wasted a lot of time my man - sitting at Starbucks, listening to Simply Red's haunting Holding Back the Years..hoping someone would notice you - and care.
You could have been a mentor to some needy lad or lass - you had a profoundly limited sense of world politics but that didn't inhibit you - think Rave On John Donne by Van Morrison - and oh yes, the German people were misled.
You didn't like animals so you had no pets - you didn't want to clean up after them - now you're dog food.
Beware of guys wearing short shorts and walking small dogs...
Malcolm loved his wife as only Malcolm could (altho we can't say the same for Hilda...) - they had no children as Hilda said I'm no breeder - I'm told Hilda liked sex just fine - just not with our boy Malcolm. He never cheated on her as far as I knew - except for the Irish bellboy at the Savoy in London - that guy was cute.
We worked together for lo those many years - not for each other - but neither against each other - we high-fived on occasion but hugs weren't for us - Robert Bly be damned.
What will we do without you Malcolm? Probably about the same things we did with you - but will we notice you're not there? There will never be another like you Malcolm - it's God's plan - limited editions.
We're getting to the close Malcolm - remember how you loved Natalie Portman in The Closer? We'll now play The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice and wish you peace.
Your friend,
The Blogger
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